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Judgement_Bot_AITA

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unjessicabiel_evable

I don't understand how your comment is more inappropriate than his. NTA.


Theemillershow

It’s less inappropriate than his, by far.


Equivalent-Ad9887

The double negatives nearly got you a downvote from my dyslexic ass


LordMcFluffy

To be fair I'm not dyslexic and I got it wrong too


tango421

My dyslexic ass read it thrice.


Alternative-Pea-4434

It’s because he wanted to embarrass OP and make her feel uncomfortable, but instead that happened to him


Cousiniscrazy

This, exactly. Did everyone miss the part where he has a penis so he’s allowed to say whatever he wants and OP doesn’t so she should just eat shit with a smile? What’s so difficult to understand about this?


Alternative-Pea-4434

Literally though, and I can’t believe those women had the audacity to shame her but not him, internalised misogyny at its finest


AdWide4493

Boys will be boys, can't do anything but smile indulgently at them, while reaming a woman for less...


Lunaphase

And let me tell you, as a guy, i HATE this sort of horseshit. A real man treats everyone with respect and dignity.


Psychological-Crew81

FINALLY, another man who can use his brain. Solidarity to you, man. I get so pissed when I see these posts, on these women's behalf. The things i've heard.


Alternative-Pea-4434

Basically, I guess to keep the peace she should’ve just sat on the creep’s lap /s


Loves_Jesus4ever

Did you see the article about the pastor who confessed to his congregation that he had an affair 20 years ago and then the woman he had the affair with got up and said it was me and I was 16? Who did the congregation comfort? Him. Ridiculous.


Alternative-Pea-4434

That’s so awful, but it’s the classic viewpoint that the woman, even if she’s a child, is the temptress and the man just can’t help himself and HAS to be gross


RoughDirection8875

When I was a kid the pastor at my church had an affair with his secretary and only she was fired and ostracized by the community. He got all the sympathy


Zupheal

That's not true. Once they realized she was 16 they turned on him. I just watched the video last night. They started screaming at him, "Did you do that? You didn't tell us that!" etc.


[deleted]

As someone who was raised Christian, taught to be ashamed of being assaulted before I was, and blamed for tempting guys older than me when I was just wearing a miniskirt while they made disgusting comments (had some of their mothers say some lovely things to me but come on... Your precious morons literally offered me money to do stuff and touched me on my thigh and stuff)... This is the mentality. It sets it up so when/if a girl gets SA'd, she's less likely to report because you're worthless if you're not a virgin and it's always the woman's fault... But also always be submissive to men because that's how God made the world? Yeah... I and another girl I know got shunned from our community, not Amish just Baptist/brethren, for literally having mental illness. Of course, guys could say/do whatever they wanted and needed support and love and understanding. Ugh


Stormsurger

Can someone explain to me how her comment was even disrespectful (if we ignored the context it was made in and just take it for what it was)? I mean I guess "small lap", but honestly it read more like a self-deprecating remark to me than anything else.


Godiva74

She’s not allowed to reference her body or sexuality directly or indirectly in any way and she’s not allowed to put him in his place. Those are the rules.


ArtOwn7773

Depending on the setting: using the word ass is frowned upon in many more formal settings. Raising her voice to levels where most of the room can hear her comment is disruptive to the event and disrespectful to the person at the mic addressing the crowd. So not so much disrespectful to the man, but to the event.


muffy_graves

I woulda poured a drink in his lap and left... Then again it sounds like a place I'd never be invited to anyways haha!


melympia

Same. That was my first thought, too. "Not gonna sit on a wet seat."


2old4nonsense

This was my first thought


pdhot65ton

They've benefitted from the patriarchy and letting that type of behavior go, and they don't want anyone to mess it up for them. They decided a long time ago that they're willing to make the trade, where OP did not.


ZealoZER

Absolutely NTA that is sexual harassment.


kirakiraluna

I said something along this lines at a work event, something like "I'd crush your knees, I'm heavier than I look" and everyone, og asshole included, laughed at it. I don't see the issue tbh unless OP was justifiable snarky


fourfor3

I don't think he wanted to embarrass her. I think he was just being a douchey, bro. And I think he could have mistaken small lap as a euphemism for small penis...


Alternative-Pea-4434

I mean if he didn’t want to embarrass her then why did make inappropriate sexual comments towards her in front of people at a public event? He did want to embarrass her, he was hoping she’d probably just go red and walk away quietly so he could have a laugh about it after


lemoncypress

Also feel like if his defense is that he was "joking" then he needs to be able to take what she said in good humor. Her response was a rebuff but it was also pretty funny!


Phoenixfeather777

I legit thought what she said was calmer than I’d have been! I’d have said “excuse me I don’t know you, I’m not about to sit on your grimy lap” or something like that.


sunflowerpolkadot

Her comment was actually a joke, and funny.


J3ks46

It is because she as a woman had to audacity to comment back out loud. Good for you! NTA.


hackermom

The audacity!


muffy_graves

Charlotte Dobre?


brendini511

I think of her every time I see/hear this lol


throwaway77914

I mean I’m not surprised that some guy somewhere made an idiotic misogynistic comment, that’s just a Tuesday. I’m surprised that multiple women thought that OP was the inappropriate one. What event was this? Convention for people who can’t act right and have shitty takes?


[deleted]

That's even more of a Tuesday, in my experience. The number of women who think women should be lesser and take shit almost matches the number of abusive men.


Tiny_Myshcake

It's sadly a very common thing for women to have internalized misogyny. Many ladies are mostly taught to just blush and play hard to get, so when others are assertive and say no, there other woman who have that engrained super polite people pleasing mentality take offense to it. It's getting better, but... sadly it happens way more frequently than most like to admit. I get way more flack from other women than I do most guys. I had an older woman tell me "No thank you" when a guy offered me his hand was too impolite and that he was trying to be nice. Dude was assuming I needed help off the bus. I didn't. I was polite. I said No thank you. Lady got offended. Dude took it in stride. IDK fam. People be crazy.


very_busy_newt

I've started politely saying 'no thank you' to anyone who tries to force interaction on the street. It's amazing how much people DO NOT like being given a form but polite no. An example from yesterday - my partner and I were on a walk, having kind of a deep/intense conversation. I noticed the person who's coming towards us on the sidewalk has started vaguely singing at us as we approach. Our focus stays on each other, so dude switches from the 'subtle' engagement attempt to talking directly to us. I pause briefly in my focus to give him a calm smile, give a friendly 'no thank you' and then switch my focus back to my partner. I can hear the guy going ' no thank you? No thank you to what?' as we continue away. Boundaries are not impolite. Saying no to a request for attention from a stranger is not impolite. It is, however, pretty rude to demand attention from a stranger and get upset about it when the attempt at engagement doesn't go as you wanted. The older I get, the less open I find myself to non-questions. If you're asking a question and you're not prepared to take no for an answer, that's a demand pretending to be a question. Don't ask if someone wants to sit on your lap unless you're prepared to get a resounding NO like this guy did.


Tiny_Myshcake

Absolutely. It just baffles me that being polite gets ya yelled at. It's silly. No means no. No thank you means no. At least OP wasn't like "f**k off you gross pervert." So why the heckin heccs did these ladies gotta go get all up in arms that OP wanted to refuse in a fashion that was kinda funny if not a bit self deprecating? I think, as I too have gotten older, I just stopped caring. My perpetual "F*CK it" button is a bit broken. But having dealt with narcissistic men as my exes my desire to people please makes me want to be non-confrontational. So I let people take my meh attitude and walk all over me. Like I said, most of this I have gotten from women much older than me. (I am early 30s and most of them have been 45+) Luckily there are plenty of folks like you. Maybe the world isn't so screwed after all. Or we just decided instead of fighting the fire we're too tired and will just make s'mores.


Aggressive-Fudge5759

The difference is that the man was sexually harassing OP quietly. Op was indiscrete enough to respond loudly enough for everyone in the room to hear. Unless the event was an orgy, I think that OP responded appropriately and is NTA.


Swimming-Item8891

It's internalized misoginy


Acrobatic_Reading866

Women have become so good at policing other women that men don't have shit to do.


meredith_pelican

I feel sorry for the women brainwashed into believing that it’s inappropriate to talk back to men who are degrading them with their unsolicited sexual harassment. NTA


rhet17

Apparently some thought it was a *butt too far." Quoting OP (who, btw, is NTA).


no_fs_given

This right here ⬆️👏🏼👏🏼😂


acegirl1985

Because she’s a woman so she’s supposed to be better than that. They’re not supposed to be rude or heaven forbid embarrass a man; they’re just expected to smile politely and ignore it or blush/s NTA- guy was a creepy misogynist and the woman are just what allows that kind of behavior to keep going.


Decent_Bandicoot122

Because they all heard it. I say, good. She just taught a room full of people not to sexually harass people.


sharri70

Right. She could have said she only sits on faces. That would have been inappropriate. Funny. And called for. But somewhat inappropriate.


Sewasmiles

Sadly, because she was a SHE. Even more sad is because the nastiness was from other women.


Lanky-Temperature412

That's why men keep getting away with this shit, because people put the blame on the person saying something and standing up for themselves rather than the one making inappropriate "jokes."


forgottenarrow

Also if what he did counted as a joke, at least OP's response got a laugh. Even if you take his BS at face value, he's being a hypocrite.


angelique_29

Mens privilege


ShellyK99

Talk about double standards. It's OK for men like him to make comments like this but totally wrong for women to call them out on it. GTFO 😑 NTA. You did good. Those ladies have no self-respect.


ssuuss

Because others could hear it. People are just suppose to suck it up and be embarrassed in silence. And then those same people wonder why victims of SA don’t speak up.


swiftdegree

Ingrained misogyny; she is a lady and should be humble and quiet BS.


BravesMaedchen

I don't understand why this sub is filled with people who are *clearly* NTA. Come on. This sub should be renamed to r/ratemysnapback


tango421

I mean she should have said / mumbled she was just tying to mess with him / crack a joke. No need to be offended. NTA


Conchobar8

It’s not. Just louder. And sometimes people care more about who was noticeable instead of who’s wrong


DarkMoS

Can you imagine, she said it LOUDLY and inconvenienced other guests


az22hctac

I also thought your comment was funnier, whereas I’m struggling to see how his is a ‘joke’. NTA


GroundbreakingPhoto4

Oh do you not realise it's because men are allowed say any inappropriate stuff to women and women are supposed to ignore or accept this crap. Absolute bull.


Juliennix

lmaoooo NTA. guy was trying to sexually harass you and got put in his place.


Cautious-Damage7575

"Sit on your own lap, pal!" No, that's terrible. I can't think of any response better than OP's.


caramelcorn10

i feel like if this happened to me, my instinctive and immediate response would be like "what, ew, no" and then just walking away confused


Cautious-Damage7575

Hahaha! Same. I would be too shocked to come up with a smartass response. *(walking away bewildered, bumping into u/caramelcorn10 cuz we don't see each other.*


caramelcorn10

honestly i think yelling out ew loud enough would sufficiently embarrass the guy anyway haha


primaltriad77

This actually happened to me. I worked in a customer service job and was letting a middle-aged male customer into a room with a chair. When he suggested I come in and sit on his lap, I just gave him a "confused puppy" look, complete with head tilt. Then I guess my reaction made him panic or something because he said loudly," It was just a joke!" I just nodded and walked away. So, yeah, confusion is probably a natural response to a gross suggestion like this.


gestapolita

Confusion absolutely works bc it puts them in the spot of having to explain themselves & put their shitty take into plainer terms. It’s a freaking great comeback. What they want is for you to smile/laugh and politely decline in a flirty way, or possibly truly sit on them!


caramelcorn10

fr confusion is a good weapon. sucks that that happened to you though. it's so gross.


scheru

OP is my hero.


lowcarb73

💯


Educational-Cress-99

Sounds like his lap wasn't the only small thing he had going for him. Quite a fragile ego too. Humor as the best way to reject unwanted attention / passes like that. The appropriate answer is just a straight up firm NO! Which I find much more embarrassing then some light humor to help the no go down. That man and those ladies are TA. NTA


Happy-Investment

I LOLed when I read OP's reaction. She should do stand up.


magnus_the_fish

Silence plays into the hands of the perpetrator. You weren't inappropriate - the misogynist with the lap was. You were just an agent of cause and effect. Not only are you NTA, you did the world a service and my own day is immeasurably better for knowing how you outed that bastard.


DiTrastevere

Man rudeness isn’t rude, only *woman* rudeness is rude, context is irrelevant, I am very smart, go me


ThorayaLast

Lol


LookAtMyKitty

"misogynist with the lap" that lap having pervert!


magnus_the_fish

It still applies. He's a misogynist. He has a lap. I am, of course not implying that all people with laps are misogynist, nor that there is anything inherently misogynist about having a lap. I would, however, suggest a very high probability that all misogynists do indeed have laps. :)


FrozenMangoSmoothies

i suddenly hate the word lap


magnus_the_fish

I am so sorry for what I have caused.


FrozenMangoSmoothies

i blame the misogynist lap-haver


ChillerIsMyName

This thread was too funny lmao


Natural_Interest_77

Not all fingers are thumbs, but all thumbs are fingers!


magnus_the_fish

Exactly! Rudimentary critical thinking skills are the best!


ProfessorAdonisCnut

A thumbdrive is not a type of fingerdrive though, so perhaps not


Accomplished_Sun_258

Exactly, Pervy-Lap-Guy who thinks he’s so funny will think twice before pulling this on another woman. Thanks OP for taking one for the team, hopefully he learns, and ignore those women and their internalized misogyny, you did good!


ex_ter_min_ate_

Honestly I’d file a complaint with the event coordinators about the sexual harassment ans the subsequent bullying on behalf of the event coordinators. That was utter bullshit ans inappropriate. What were they expecting you to do go “tee hee, oh you!” And tap his shoulder? That guy deserved a snack to the face honestly.


Upset_Reflection8320

NTA But the women who came to blame you are HUGE ASSHOLES It enrages me so much than a woman is even more missoginist than the stupid man itself to blame you for doing the right thing!! You did good. If this would happen in Europe today it could get nasty for the event organizers if it comes to media...


RumBunBun

If I am able to think of it on the spot, my favorite reply to women like them is a sweetly polite, “Fuck you very much for your opinion,” as I briskly walk away. In the time it takes them to figure out that yes, I really said what they thought I just said, I am long gone and they are left in my wake clutching their pearls. I’ve thought fast enough to say it a couple times and it is very satisfying.


DeviJDevi

Award for you for the sweet line! Is your name a Sluggy Freelance reference? If so, I wish I had two awards to give you.


TheSorcerersCat

My latest favourite is "Well that sounds like a 'you' problem!". Confuses the heck out of people and reaffirms that I see no problem with it.


[deleted]

Assholes and the enemies to other women. How could they do that to op and feel good about themselves? We need to bring back shame


AzureMagelet

Lol, they probably think the same. We need to bring back shame. OP should be ashamed of herself for what she said. This is not my opinion, just what I imagine those women thought.


wanesandwaves

NTA What was inappropriate was his behaviour. What was inappropriate was those ladies shaming you and not this man. How you responded was completely appropriate and called him rightly out. Please don’t feel guilty - you stood up for yourself and for that you should be exceptionally proud 💚


TemptingPenguin369

NTA. I'm not sure what type of event considers calling over a stranger to invite her to sit on your lap is socially acceptable, but declining the offer is considered poor behavior.


ertrinken

Right? OP had a witty response. Me? I probably would’ve blurted out “what the fuck? what the actual fuck is wrong with you?” which is way less polite lol


Aggressive-Fudge5759

"I'm not sure what type of event considers calling over a stranger to invite her to sit on your lap is socially acceptable, but declining the offer is considered poor behavior." I do not frequent orgies, but...


TemptingPenguin369

I believe the proper behavior would be to approach the stranger rather than summon them over by waving!


Aggressive-Fudge5759

Thank you for clarifying. In the highly unlikely event that I ever attended an orgy, I will bear this advice in mind.


toebeantuesday

Agggh 😂😆 I’m reading quietly along and saw this and just busted out laughing in the middle of the night, startled my husband awake just as he’d fallen asleep.


iamnomansland

Nah, orgies are way more polite than that. Consent is king in orgies.


GreekAmericanDom

NTA The sexual harassment was wildly inappropriate and if more women would do what you did, there might be less of it. Bravo in shaming the AH. He deserved it.


kha-ci

And this is exactly why women always stay silent when something happen. No matter what you do, you are guilty. The guy calls you during the speech to make an inappropriate comment and you are the rude one? NTA obviously.


notgoodatusernames95

NTA You were being extremely polite considering how inappropriate the remark was. He deserves to be embarrassed


siempre_maria

NTA. He was inappropriate. Women encourage/excuse men's inappropriate behavior constantly. They were just pissed off that you didnt "act like a lady" and ignore it.


ImpossibleHand5086

First want to state op isn't an AH. Just need to get that out the way. But I don't think they were upset she didn't act lady like but because she said the statement loudly as someone was speaking during the event.


zilnosnibor

I got the impression no one else heard what the guy said, so she came across inappropriate and disruptive?


SelfStudy657

NTA. You responded with a joke in kind. Fairs fair. Them be just some uppity women who's opinion shouldn't bother you.


gvacceber

NTA. That man made you uncomfortable with an unsolicited sexual comment, which you had every right to make a big deal. Those women should be ashamed for supporting him. In your place I would have asked those women what consequences the man will have since he was sexually harassing women at the event and caused the situation, and that you would expect the consequences were his removal, not blaming the victim of the interaction for the interaction.


burneredmonton

He mumbled something about just trying to mess with me/crack a joke and that there was no need for my uncivil, inappropriate comment <-PARDON ME?!?!?! No. You don't get to sexually harass someone then turn it on them. The "joke" was the jackass thinking sexual harassment was appropriate, and all the snide bitties that defended it. EDIT - forgot to add, in case it wasn't clear. NTA


Illegal_Tender

NTA He's allowed to "make a joke" but you're not allowed to talk about it? That's some whack-ass bullshit.


MeetHotSingles

NTA. You could’ve just clocked him on his jaw but you was a lady about it


dieselboi01

NTA, he was trying to crack a joke, so were you


Agreeable-Celery811

INFO: what kind of event was it? A string quartet recital? An orgy?


Bubbles033

What's the fun in going late to an orgy?


Apatoraptor_Rex

Definitely NTA! Old people have the 'boys will be boys' mentality so they are OK with creeps and abhor anything 'unladylike'. Just ignore them


Cool_Goat_9723

NTA. He’s an asshole.


md2-xx

NTA. Like idk what he expected your response would be, but he deserved it and you have every right to reject this creepy ass stranger's offer.


Major_Barnacle_2212

Sometimes when I get to the comment section I just have too many feelings. >*He mumbled something about just trying to mess with me/crack a joke and that there was no need for my uncivil, inappropriate comment* There was a need for your comment, and it was appropriate. Jokes like that normalize harassment. By pushing back, you normalized making it unacceptable. You were harassed and then shamed. The women who shamed you are as guilty, if not more so, of uncivil behavior than your harasser. I'm sorry those woman didn't have your back, but I do. You didn't go too far, and regardless of the event - it was appropriate. Edit - more thoughts. And my vote NTA!!


ImpossibleHand5086

NTA: But I think the other people are saying you didn't have to say it loudly enough so that everyone can hear you when someone was speaking on the mic at this event. I get you probably want to embarrass this guy but I think the person trying to talk was probably upset which is why people approached you. Now again you're not an AH just saying why the other people were probably bothered


IKYDCBRMO

So you mean to tell me A man harassed you Instead of “making a big scene bc ‘Those types of people always make big scenes’” you said “okay fine, let’s play,” and people are somehow STILL mad at you. Lol. Okayyyyy Please note the SARCASM. this world is bs. NTA. you did nothing wrong. He wanted to play but couldn’t handle the game 🤷🏽‍♀️🤷🏽‍♀️


Jazmadoodle

NTA toward the guy who said it, but a bit inconsiderate to whoever was on the mic trying to run an event


ServelanDarrow

INFO: what was the event? I wouldn't have sat on him either but would like this piece of info.


lotus_eater123

There is no event where being sexually harassed is OK.


SilverQueenBee

Those women either had sticks up their ass, have been raised to think that behavior is normal or they are friends with the guy. Whichever it is, you are NTA, he is.


Amy_cottonballs

NTA. His comment was inappropriate to begin with. It’s ridiculous that no one batted an eye on how inappropriate his comment was yet told you that you defending yourself is “inappropriate”


1969VintageWhine

Nope. NTA. He made a “joke”. You made one right back. Except he wasn’t making a joke. He was hitting on you in an inappropriate way in full view of others. (Very high risk behavior.) And you shot him down in full view of others. He had it coming. Those ladies are enablers and probably jealous of you getting male attention. So several AH(s) involved but none of them are you.


guessmyageidareyou

NTA He was inappropriate AF.


elizabethjanet

NTA - he was gross and out of line, the women were out of line. What is wrong with these people?


sillyaori

NTA That guy's comment was so inappropriate. You just replied him, in a joking manner ( it sounded like that to me). Silly questions get silly answers. The fact that you were then blamed was terrible. You did nothing wrong, OP.


Izzy4162305

NTA. *cheers motherfuckingly* That is how you deal with sexual harassment.


NarwhalNectarine

NTA. If his sexual harassment is acceptable so is the word ass. Good for you for putting that guy in his place


auntiope3000

If his comment had actually been a joke and not a corny come-on, then he would have laughed at your response instead of getting embarrassed and angry. He wasn’t looking for funny banter; he was trying to get laid. NTA


National_Ad_1611

Absolutely! He used a public setting to try to make a stranger uncomfortable on purpose. Hopefully he'll think about this exchange for a while and think before saying this to another woman.


Theemillershow

I feel like you missed a Santa joke here but definitely NTA.


Pick-Up-Pennies

Tried to fuck around and he found the hell out... that was pitch perfect! *\*high fives, NTA style\**


snazarella

NTA That person was utterly out of line and absolutely no one should defend his actions. I'm glad that you shot him down immediately. Any organization that would be associated with or defend his behaviour is absolutely on the wrong.


just-Mythyk

NTA. While it \*is\* rude to be loud enough to draw the attention of a lot of people while there's a speaker, it's also good to call out a person for inappropriate behaviour (as you did)


lima_acapulco

NTA. You should have said, "thank you for your advice. But don't judge me for standing up for myself, and I won't judge you for being spineless cowards who are willing to make the world a little less safer for their daughters and granddaughters".


lemonscentedd

NTA, never TA for shaming harassers


likecommentsurvive

NTA he wasn’t joking. He got pissed you called him out and he back peddled and said it was a joke to try and make you look bad.


JustMeLurkingAround-

I hate this so much! His inappropriate behaviour was *just* a joke and will gladly be overlooked, but a woman standing up for herself is a trouble maker. He made an inappropriate and lewd comment and got the fitting answer. If that embarrassed him or wasn't suitable for the occasion, the guy shouldn't have made such a comment in the first place. NTA at all. And thank you for standing up against such behaviour. Only if we stop being too polite and accept inappropriate behaviour will such situations change for women. We need to stop smiling and call attention to situations were men make us uncomfortable with "just a joke".


Professional_Grab513

Absolutely NTA that is sexual harassment.


Apprehensive-Two3474

NTA. Joking and teasing in this manner is done with PEOPLE YOU KNOW. Not with absolute strangers. His actions were inappropriate for the event, not yours.


GloomyPreparation831

Lol definitely NTA


RedKitty37

NTA - it wasn't a joke.


ElDia13

NTA. Holy crap, they should be having that talk with that guy. You don’t have to accept being harassed on any situation and that’s what that was.


hottythotty01

So he was 1 a creep 2 an ass and 3 childish your response wasn’t weird or inappropriate you stated a fact and he got offended what a creep he is NTA


Jealous_Resort_8198

I'd have whispered in his ear "are you sure? My bladder leaks"


Absolem1010

NTA... An gentleman offers his seat, not his lap. I can't believe these "ladies" found you to be the inappropriate one here! Was this a misogeny convention??


Buddhadevine

NTA. The guy was inappropriate. Why is it your fault for putting his creep ass in his place?


GramsUpaTreeCall999

Be honest with yourself bc you know you didn't need to post here. You were never the asshole and would never be in this situation. But let me pose it this way: if your friend told you some weirdo sexually harassed her at a venue would you blame her for the response you gave? No, absolutely not. Why are you here? Tell the people who defended this creep to fuck off bc apparently they need to hear it. Here's what you need to hear: if someone does something that makes you uncomfortable or makes you feel like you're less than just bc of who you are you're allowed to react accordingly. You're a whole person who deserves to be seen as a whole person wherever you go, so no, you're NTA.


QuaestorLucem

Nta The poor guy only tried to make you the bottom of his childish joke and you wickedly chewed him with a more caustic remark... /s I hate enablers, how can other women condone this kind of misogynistic behaviour?


MissAnthropy_YIKES

Of course, women are always responsible for the inappropriate behavior of men. /s NTA.


Ill_Quantity_5634

NTA I really can't stand women who would rather some jerk play his sexual advances off as a joke rather than call that crap out. Don't rock the boat. The internalized misogyny is disgusting.


SpartikuS_CGC

100% NTA. When it comes to sexual harassment the only inappropriate response is if you stabbed or shot him and even then I could probably be convinced it’s an appropriate response.


dpdragonfly

NTA. Why why why are women not "allowed" to respond in kind to rude, inappropriate, misogynistic behavior?! It's perfectly OK for dude to be a sexist prick, but we can't react in any way that might hurt their poor little egos or draw attention to the fact that they are rude, inappropriate and misogynistic! And, I hate to say it, but it's getting worse instead of better. OP, don't ever back down from someone that treats you badly


battle_bunny99

NTA - in the day and age it can still be shocking when a women states her own opinion. Yeah, because the word 'ass' can be considered a little off color probably aided in getting some looks. On the other hand, if he felt comfortable enough to have you sit on his it feels beyond silly to act as if the event's decorum was not casual.


marshmall00

NTA, next time use the southern lady’s phrase “Oh bless your heart, it’s such a shame some women are so naïve to the whims and whiles of men. I was sure that women your age would have none of that childish naïve nonsense. Really such a pity.” Then walk away as nothing happened. If they try to say something again just say “It’s so cute how you hold on to your girlish whims, I wish I could’ve, but sadly the world of men didn’t work that way for me.” Then turn and continue the other conversation. Works every time it puts their foot in in their mouth and sets immediate boundaries while completely throwing everyone off balance and not being rude.


MysticYoYo

*…and for saying it out loud? thats a but too far.* ​ a **but** too far? Heheh. Oh, and NTA.


MBuhnie

You could’ve said I’m afraid I’d squash your tiny penis with my big ass- so they should be thankful you were as polite as you were with what he was suggesting. He’s disgusting n they are equally so.


National-Zombie3303

NTA - Good job


Meghanshadow

NTA I’d have been tempted to sit in his lap. Hard. Purse first so my brick of a tablet and five pounds of pointy pens and hundred work keys and such made a nice firm/sharp impression on any delicate flesh in the way of my butt.


OneCrustySergeant

At what kind of event is defending yourself against sexual harassment inappropriate? NTA


AshlandSouth

NTA. Men get the benefit of the doubt for bad behavior.


My3floofs

Nothing like ingrained patriarchy to send women to police other women. His remark was gross and not a joke and he deserves to be embarrassed.


mathpat

NTA. That guy could use the advice I read on here before - If a guy saying it to you in a prison would make you feel uncomfortable, don't say it to a random woman you don't know.


Bens_den_of_thoughts

NTA I have been in this position and if they thought that was inappropriate I would be put to death for mine. Wtf there’s an inappropriate way to say no to sitting on a man’s lap? As an adult woman?!?! Well. Personally I asked the speech to stop and asked the crowd if there was anyone *willing* to sit on his lap so I could have the seat. A very large gentlemen offered for to let me have his chair and he would sit on the man’s lap. He tried in front of the crowd (with his wife watching and dying of laughter) I hopped off laughing while they fought and I sat next to his lovely wife. I did step in and tell the rude asshole his place. Btw I had a lovely time with the couple. Great people. Shout out to Greg and his wife, I hope your garden is doing well and thank you for offering (in front of a crowd) to protect me. You will never know what that meant to me. My office still giggles about this


j027

Of course you're the ah, everyone knows when men make creepy and rude 'jokes' you're just meant to smile or scuttle away in shame. Don't dare make a rude joke back, then they'll realise we have brains, wit and feelings too! Or that the sun doesn't shine out their backside and not everyone finds everything they say and do unfathomably hilarious. We can't have that! Bullcrap. What a tiny little bacter-brained tw4t he is. NTA, you showed far more restraint that I would have, I'd have kicked him in the shin and been dragged out swinging


sezit

"Ladies, why are you reprimanding me, instead of the predatory man who propositioned me?"


Anxious_Device1099

NTA. Why is it ok for men to be "joking" or "inappropriate" but as soon as a woman conducts herself in the same way but... and let's be honest here... better she's the one in the wrong? Everyone needs to check themselves.


GracieW7

NTA. Sure, you could have just said no or decline another way. But what that stranger (I’m assuming you didn’t know him) did was sexual harassment. Any woman excusing his behavior needs to get their head checked. There’s a special place in hell for women who don’t defend other women in these types of situations.


National_Ad_1611

You know, lots of people regret not having the perfect comeback yet here you delivered on the spot. Bravo! Screw those other ladies. Wouldn't worry about them at all. Be proud and next time your tell this anecdote, make sure to laugh cuz you delivered a hilarious burn. NTA


Alun_Owen_Parsons

NTA, not remotely! >He mumbled something about just trying to mess with me/crack a joke and that there was no need for my uncivil, inappropriate comment. This is the problem right here. Men being sexual predators is somehow a "joke" but women standing up for themselves is inappropriate! Your response to his creepy behaviour was entirely appropriate. >they told me my behavior was inappropriate and made the whole event look bad and embarrassed for a simple joke/attempt at teasing. Another problem, other women defending men's predatory behaviour. What made the event look bad was that a man there was harassing a young woman. Had the man never made his inappropriate comments there would have been no need for you to stand up for yourself. Not only are you NTA, you're a hero for standing up to this sort of misogynistic BS. If everyone behaved as bravely as you society would become a lot less toxic.


PricklyPorcupineMami

NTA. The CREEP is the A H.


The_Boots_of_Truth

NTA. How is calling out sexual harassment worse than the harassment?


RyzenTide

NTA, His comment was the problem, I think you where quite civil all things considered.


2old4nonsense

A joke is only a joke when EVERYBODY laughs... Did anyone, not Male, laugh? I rest my case


TheDuchess5939

NTA. HIS comment was inappropriate for the event. Your response was perfect.


ICastDeathMuffins

NTA, you were sexually harassed and handled it perfectly. This wasn't a joke. It was just gross


rosebil

Tell those women to sit on a stranger men lap and see how they feel. NTA


Daaylight

Old people need to learn that sexual harassment and racism aren't jokes. Jokes are funny. NTA.


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^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** I, 31 year old female was invited to an event via my friend. won't get into details about it but I found out last minute that my friend couldn't come so I went alone since I was really looking forward to seeing the atmesphere and enjoy a bit after working all week. So I arrived to the event a bit late not gonna lie, guests were already seated and there was already someone talking to the mic. I stood there in the corner looking for an empty chair. Suddenly a guy in his 30s (I think) waves for me. I look closer thinking he must've had an available chair next to him or something but he then as I was approaching him he proceeded to pat his lap and tell me I could sit there. I was shocked and completely caught off guard, I freaked out from the inside but remained calm and loudly responded "no thanks but my ass is too big for your small lap" Suddenly peope pause, some in the back laughed which made the guy look red in the face. He mumbled something about just trying to mess with me/crack a joke and that there was no need for my uncivil, inappropriate comment. I ended up getting a chair from a gentleman in the second raw and remained seated til the event was over. As I was walking out a couple of ladies approached me asking about what happened and told me that my response was too inappropriate for this event and for saying it out loud? thats a but too far. I tried to cut the conversation but they told me my behavior was inappropriate and made the whole event look bad and embarrassed for a simple joke/attempt at teasing. Idk I went home feeling bad about it and guilty. AITA? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*


Aggressive-Sample612

NTA


RBb342

Good for you! You weren't the Ah, he was totally out of line.


InternationalKick126

NTA. You put a sexual harrasser in his place, there is no wrong place for that...until they finally make a place where sexual harassment doesn't happen.


Rare-Outside-8105

Your response was worse than his comment? What? Should have asked those ladies if coming right out and calling him a tiny dicked moron would have been better, but I just don't care is people get offended or not.


TwystedReddit

NTA, and next time tell those enabling see-you-next-Tuesday women to mind their own fucking business unless it's happening to them.


MannyMoSTL

NTF’ingA and Heeeeell NO - NTA That AHole, apparently, missed the MeToo movement and *every* sexual harassment brochure/meeting/seminar ever. And the “ladies?” Who shamed and attempted to bully you? *They* are just as much a part of the problem of the BS belief that “Boy Will Be Boys” and just let yourself be demeaned because YOUR response (but, somehow, NOT *his* “joke” comment) was ‘inappropriate’ because it made “the whole event look bad.” GOOD FOR YOU and F them. Again, NTA


sdbinnl

Nta - well said


dystopianpirate

NTA Your response was totally appropriate and justified, the guy called you in public, and tried to get you on his lap in public, and you responded in tandem. The lady that approached you was out of line, the guy tried to humiliate you, it wasn't a joke. Please ignore these ladies comments, and this guy discomfort as they were not concerned about yours. Please, feel proud of yourself because you have an spine lady, you have no reason to feel bad at all. I'm proud of you, you're awesome.