T O P
2dLtAlexTrebek

I think the list of places you couldn't refuel is much shorter.


Milky_Toast_

place #1 Sahara desert, theres no people (i think idk)


ConfidentDragon

Why the fuck they didn't built any stupid gas station for the last 200miles, now I'm out. ... Never mind, it's back at 30%. ... Let's continue into the desert, ... Wow, still going up.


Nucklesix

The person who'd check would have unlimited fuel.


sir_thatguy

The driver would be like “I gotta be close to someone, I’m still full!”


DistortedRedamants

Imagine driving in a dark alleyway thinking you’re all alone, then suddenly the fuel tank fills up…


germane-corsair

That’s a nice one sentence horror story. You’re either foolish for thinking you’re alone in this quiet, dark alleyway and that has supernatural connotations…..or someone so ridiculously stupid, they’re capable of filling up your tank form just barely being in range showed up and that’s a scary thought by itself.


numbersthen0987431

Driving in traffic would just keep you maxed out all the time


Mr_Clumsy

Fuck that’s funny 😆


FockerHooligan

/r/AskReddit


R4c14lg3n0c1d3

Women of reddit, what is the sexiest sex you've ever sexed?


Less-Leave-5519

People who put on shoes before they exit the house, why?


1singleduck

So i can walk harder


Kvenya

Dewey?


FartsMusically

WRONG KID DIED


Unlucky-Bread66

\*asks serious question, but forgets to add serious tag\* r/AskReddit : Oh boy, here i go making dumb jokes again


BlorseTheHorse

Scroling the front page of askreddit: Hospital workers of Reddit, what is your scariest encounter with a patient? What is your most wholesome childhood memory? Big booty latinas of reddit, what is the circumference of your left cheek? If the zombie apocalypse started, who would you take? Men of reddit, what's the least sexy thing to you? Teachers of reddit, name a time you changed a student's life Women of reddit, what's it like to have a cooter? ​ it'll seriouslly be the most random shit


06210311200805012006

you forgot the most frequent and unrelenting repost: redditors of reddit, how would you redesign human body 2.0? 1. top reply - stop cells from randomly dividing. heavily gilded with many "fuck cancer" replies. 2. wings because flying 3. prehensile penis


BlorseTheHorse

always the same 4 posts every day, and then some oaf with a 2 word statement against something (for example, someone commented "the government" on a post asking what the most dangerous criminal organization in the country was) that gets a million awards and upvotes, meanwhile someone who actually went in depth and detail gets buried


SelfDistinction

To be fair, it does exactly what it says on the tin. Don't act as if you weren't warned.


Sea_Employment_8134

I wouldn't even have to go anywhere to refuel I'm the one I need


Bierbart12

A true perpetual motion engine


Sea_Employment_8134

Yes, that's exactly right


PaulblankAgain

But having that thought makes you too smart to power it


Sea_Employment_8134

Nooo Damn these loop holes!


Beninja_

That Nobel Prize is mine!


LifeOBrian

I just watched that! Awesome.


decederata

On to the next task: become prime minister and make humans suffer by turning sales tax to 100%


SwordoftheMourn

Tax devil is the true terror of that anime.


themightycheese42

A perpetual moron engine


soapmode

But it surely would be a clown car where the wheels keep falling off, with a bear riding in the back.


[deleted]

You’re so stupid, you’d go to a normal petrol station and put petrol in it. Causing the engine to break.


Sea_Employment_8134

There's only one solution for this Flood the streets with petrol and make the car a boat


Several_Show937

UNNLIMITED POWERR!!


Sea_Employment_8134

YESS!! It will be unstoppable!


Jonny_Thundergun

As long as there are people around, you'll have a full tank.


GayDeciever

Even in a university town you will find that ample fuel- just approach any admin office for maximum fuel transfer.


Saxopwned

I am an AV guy at a university and also do a good bit of traditional IT support too. Let me tell you, the most educated people in any institution can also be the absolute dumbest (except in their area of expertise of course). I generally like them all when they aren't pissed off about something but damn.


Bayou_wulf

Former IT guy for a college. Get a call Prof: The computer is broken in my classroom. The light is on, but the computer isn't working. Me: Okay, be there in a minute (same building). Prof: What was wrong with the PC? Me: The PC was off, I just turned it on.


gnukleaarrh

I tried nothing and it didn't work Help!


Chiggins907

There is so much I could say to this as a construction worker that deals with people who think they’re always right, because it’s what they drew up in auto-cad. The only guy I actually respected when we had questions is he said,” Sounds like a field problem.” It sucked because what was being asked was not right, but he was basically saying,” I can only predict so much. You guys need to make it work.” It was kind of an eye opener that they have to trust the guys in field to really get it done. I’m ranting so hard dude I’m sorry. Got way off track lol


Hanspiel

As a BIM guy (3D design, fully coordinated), we had crews who would regularly ignore the drawings, inevitably run into another trade, then call us to fix it. We eventually sent them a "memo" with the revised package referring to the MIL-TFD-41 spec for all questions. "Make it like the fucking drawing for once." There were a lot fewer issues with proper communication after that. Edit: missed a letter


VexingRaven

> MIL-TF41 spec for all questions. "Make it like the fucking drawing for once." Bahaha, that's incredible.


gr1mm5d0tt1

Shit, a guy I worked under always gave me the “sounds like an opportunity to succeed”. Man I was successful on that job. Props to your guy though. He knew his limitations and didn’t bs you


knitwit3

Maybe park near the dorms and frat houses on the weekend, and up by admin through the week. I certainly don't remember many good decisions being made a 2 am on a weekend. Many of those bad decisions became epic stories later, but that was just luck that no one got really hurt.


lobster-overrun

*gestures broadly at everywhere*


Yurrrr__Brooklyn347

Just plug your phone up and let tik tok play.... unlimited refills


cranberrystew99

Free gas or not, it ain't worth it.


YaminoOku

I'd ask the kid who I used to tutor. The kid asked me questions like "who INVENTED the moon?". The kid was in 8th grade.


Buttercream91

The kid sounds like a genius, he simply refuses to believe the narrative and questions EVERYTHING.


Hondasmugler69

Found kyries burner


gsfgf

Neil Armstrong invented the moon, duh. Well, it was really Yuri Gagarin, but you know how history was during the Cold War.


arcosapphire

No, no--Gagarin invented space.


Real_Ron1n

I'd have my sister sit in the passenger seat and tell me where Europe is. Infinite fuel glitch. For context, she once said "Europe is in England, right?" We live in damn England and she's in her mid teens.


FOB_cures_my_sadness

I live in the US and someone tried telling me that Wyoming is in Texas


TheExoticMachinist

There is a Wyoming in Rhode Island though....


FOB_cures_my_sadness

And in New South Wales, but not in Texas


hand_truck

They must have been thinking of Paris.


GooseRuler

Paris, Texas; Paris, Tennessee; or Paris France?


iAMaHUSKY

None of the above. Paris, Maine of course.


GooseRuler

Thank you for enlightening me on yet another Paris.


Bullfrog_20

Paris Ontario (Canada pulled a sneaky)


GooseRuler

How many Paris’ are there?


Beullersghost

Paris, Kentucky as well


odobostudio

Paris , Denmark ... Kiribati ... Panama ... Ontario ... they're everywhere !!!


AccidentalStuttBuff

Paris, Kentucky


Canadian_Peasant

No, that's in Ontario, but not the Ontario in California


Run26-2

And one in Michigan. My son lives there.


happyme321

I live in Hawaii and a tourist asked me if I’ve ever been to the states. Uh, I live in the states.


tryingmydarnbest

I live in New Mexico, got asked if I ever been to the US lol as well


Global-Hand2874

Yep, had that happen to me countless times. Been asked if I needed a passport to visit the U.S. also been asked if we needed to convert pesos into U.S. currency when we “crossed the border.” Argued relentlessly with a woman at the DMV in Scott County, KY, when I went in to have my drivers license changed over, and she insisted that I was Mexican, therefore I had to take the written and driving portion of the test, because, you know Mexican and American laws are different! The ironic part was they had a massive map on the wall of the United States, and I stood there and pointed to NEW Mexico, and asked her, when you see a silhouette of the U.S. there’s not a hole here…it is a state. The 47th state, at that. I promise you, we’re Americans! While she sat there chewing her cud, she shouted behind her in the THICKEST southern accent I have ever heard, never took her eyes off of me, “Darlene! That group of Mexicans that came in last week? They had to take the driver’s test, didn’t they?” Darlene, of course replied, “yeah!” After about 45 minutes of trying to educate this woman on American history and geography, I just gave up. I said, look, can you read? Just punch it in your little computer there. “NEW Mexico.” And wouldn’t you know it? It WAS a state!!! And I didn’t have to take either test! For context, I’m moderately fair complexion, light brown hair, blue eyes…and I was active duty military at the time. No accent (southern, or otherwise). My parents had recently relocated to KY, and my license was about to expire, so I figured what better time to renew it? An exercise in patience…and comment on the state of public education in the Commonwealth of KY 🤦🏻‍♀️


_portia_

Yep. I once tried to order something over the phone, and after giving them my NM address, the rep says "oh we only ship to the US" 🤦‍♀️


Global-Hand2874

¡Viva Nuevo Mejico!


Ravenamore

God, I heard that all the time when I lived in Alaska. Even better was when I'd get a CSR who'd snottily say "We only ship to the continental US." Then the fun of slowly explaining *continental* and *contiguous* don't mean the same thing.


Sheeralorob

I’m so sorry you had to go through that. Here’s another KY story. New postal clerk trainee called her trainer over and loudly announced “Why can’t I find the foreign postage rate for Hawaii on my computer?” This was years ago, hopefully the USPS has updated their system to account for stupidity.


tjk45268

I once interviewed for a job in New Mexico. People asked me why I was looking in another country.


Crizznik

The day I learned there is a non-negligible number of people who don't realize New Mexico is a state was one of the days where I lost a lot of hope in my country.


MoobooMagoo

Man and here I was thinking people were dumb for not realizing Puerto Rico is part of the US.


Crizznik

That one is more understandable, since it's a territory, not a state. Same with Guam and American Samoa.


SurgeQuiDormis

That's a sorta grey area to be fair - US "owned" but not actually one of the *United States.* Still stupid, but more forgivable.


PitBullFan

"Hey look, there's a NEW Mexico!!" ~ Homer Simpson


Specialist_Budget

I was born in Guam on a Navy base, but somehow the government still considers me a foreign birth…every time I went to a different school my dad had to “prove” my citizenship even though Guam has been a US territory for over 100 years.


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IchiroKinoshita

I feel so bad. My dad visited Hawaii in the '80s before I was born. When he was leaving, they asked him at the airport where he was going, and he said "the United States" only to be reminded that he was in the US. I get secondhand cringe from that one when he tells it. On the bright side it did help me avoid making a mistake of my own when I was a clerk at a grocery store with a money wire service. I was helping a family from Puerto Rico (in Spanish) and they asked me where I was from because they thought I spoke Spanish well. I nearly said, "Soy de los Estados Unidos." However instead I ended up saying, "Soy del... _mainland_." They laughed in joy and thought it was cute. Lol.


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Brief-Sleep-6991

It makes me so happy that you understand what the contiguous states are. I work logistics in Alaska and i am constantly correcting people. Their policy either applies to us or should state contiguous states. It's a rough battle that usually ends with them saying they don't ship overseas...


waldo667

Brexit must have been a confusing time for her


Disastrous-Bet8973

I overheard a girl and guy talking he told her he was from Egypt and she's like oh I love European men and double down on Egypt being a European country. She can be my source.


hotdogfluster

My daughter had to write a paper about the civil war once, and she referred to the Southern States as South America throughout the assignment. It was quite funny hearing about how General Robert E. Lee was leading South America.


currentlydrinking

In high school a girl argued with me that Central America didn’t exist. She said it was just Mexico between the US and Brazil.


Zeta_Fish1

Bet she's one of those people who thinks Africa is a country


crazy-diam0nd

And Europeans make fun of Americans’ knowledge of geography. At least we know that North America is in the top states.


Biomirth

North America is definitely one of the top 3 states.


Twinkidsgoback

One of my friends ex’s tried telling him New Jersey was in Boston. Still laugh about it over a decade later


dirithium

someone once asked me if austria is part of poland


storyofmylife92

Had a friend in middle school who asked our Israeli friend if Israel was in Mexico. When he gave her a bewildered look she corrected herself to say it was in New Mexico. He asked her if she even watched the news and walked away. She did not.


RIP_Mustangberger

Reminds of that top gear clip when Jeremy asked Americans questions about Europe. "Name one European country." "There's the one with the kangaroos :D"


Capercaillie

Had a labmate in grad school from Austria. For two years, I'd ask her what it was like to grow up with kangaroos, did she ever have a boomerang or a digeridoo, did she ever meet Crocodile Dundee. Every time, she'd patiently say, "I think you're thinking of Australia...I'm from Austria." "Same thing, right?"


Shayll0w

Someone told me London was a country once, so ya know


just-some-bored-guy

I’d just open the Facebook comments section and read to my car while I’m driving. Unlimited fuel


Rogu636

If you read while driving you're all the fuel you'll need 😉


Mr-Robot244

Just the surrounding cars driving like assholes around you is all you need. We all fuel our cars on road rage, genius.


SomehowGonkReturned

Exactly. My best friend in highschool was killed when the other driver was texting and drifted onto the wrong side of the road.


CaptainVanlier

Sometimes I miss when that sentence wouldn't have been possible. But to be honest even back then drivers did stupid shit, we just didn't have signs everywhere telling you not to use your *freaking mobile computer* and drive at the same time. And now I dated myself and feel old


Dieterswig

Physical location? Walmart


Rivyn

As a Walmart employee, I stand behind this answer.


GhostalMedia

As a former Walmart HQ employee, I also stand behind this. Probably could power it by corporate leadership alone.


starbucks_soda

Corporate leadership would be a Twin Turbo LS-Swap V10 auto with Ferrari intakes with drag slicks and a parachute.


fattynuggetz

As a current walmart cashier, I also stand behind this. It would also be the perfect place to go if my car was powered by closeted or unconscious racism.


goelrishabh09

These walmart people standing behind each other, lol. Making a queue or something?


DruggistByDay

I work retail. I would never run out. Edit: Thank you for the awards, kind strangers! Also, I'm a doctor of pharmacy. I still get treated the same as when I was a cashier or waitress. And all my retail friends need to watch the brillant show Superstore on Hulu. It's nice to know misery has company!


mrgoodboye

Never go full retail.


Holden_McGroin1980

SURVIVE!


fronkenstoon

“This isn’t ringing up right.” *”MuSt Be FrEe ThEn!!!1!!one!!1!! HAHAHAHAHAHA”*


fattynuggetz

*line is empty for the 50th time of the day* "YoU lOOk bOrED!! LetS gIVe yOu sOmEthINg tO Do" *Customer about to pay* "HoW muCH do YOU oWe ME? AAAHAGAHAHA"


Gogo726

Just printed this $100 bill this morning


DoubleUTeeEfff

I work at a dealership and have to check every bill that comes through my office. If I was able to take the money for myself every time the customer said “Just printed them earlier” I’d be rich.


LateralThinkerer

Eons ago I worked retail in a small hobby shop, and a couple passed some counterfeit currency just as one of the owners showed up. He was 6'7" and in full dress uniform (he was a Major in the Army National Guard and had been to some function). He literally held the couple, one in each hand, until the police and then Secret Service showed up. They were terrified and we (who had nothing to do with any of it) weren't far behind. TL;DR Don't pass counterfeit currency.


NightlyNate

What if they didn't know it was counterfeit? Like it was passed to them?


LateralThinkerer

This was before ATMs (yeah, I'm ancient and was about 17 at the time) so it's possible but unlikely. Since it got as far as the Secret Service, I'm assuming that there was probable cause to believe that they'd been passing it out throughout the local community, but I don't know for sure. The agents didn't tell us much when they interviewed us.


Alan_Smithee_

*no price* “Oh well, I guess it’s free, then.”


Mochasue

When I worked cash I used to say “Yesterday was if it doesn’t scan it’s free day! Bummer you missed it!” So many people believed me


Oenonaut

That’s up there with the “free beer tomorrow” neon sign that’s lit every day


tinselsnips

"WoRkinG HArD oR hArdLY WoRkINg *nyuk nyuk nyuk*?"


TotahlyRich

I used to work at Costco where we use boxes instead of plastic bags. Me:“You wanna box?” Customer:”idk do you think you can take me?” *hold hands up in boxing stance*. I’d be world champion with how many customers I fought.


ArcadianBlueRogue

Okay I get how that'd get old fast, but that is actually way funnier than it should be lmao


King-Rhino-Viking

First time it would kill for me. Anytime after that I would just hit them with classic "ha yep"


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theabominablewonder

two more things I can add to the list for when I’m talking to the self checkout machines, thank you


turtlepowerpizzatime

The local grocery here has a really weirdly accented slef checkout voice for produce. She's like, "Please weigh your GREEN PEPPERS." "Please take your GREEN PEPPERS." Like she's mad at green peppers or something. My wife and I think it's hilarious.


PayneTrain181999

“UNEXPECTED ITEM IN BAGGING AREA!”


SecretAsianMan42069

“Put your BANANAS in the bag!” -the self checkout as I carefully put the gallon of olive oil I’ve run up as bananas into my bag.


WaspyBitvh

Self Checkout: PLEASE TAKE YOUR RECEIPT Me: Bish I would if you'd print it


brokenelectricchair

Either that or they try to fucking haggle with you. Dude I'm not selling you a Camaro, this is Lowe's, and I don't set the price or have the ability to change it.


muklan

Easy answer here is to say you won't charge them tax. The state will still, but you'll waive YOUR tax. This time.


brokenelectricchair

Lol. I have actually charged a customer "the asshole tax" at the place I work at now so this resonated with me so much!


KellyBelly916

"If I had a dollar for every time I heard that joke, I'd never have to hear it again."


draculamilktoast

IDK why but that joke reminds me of r/imsorryjon Maybe it's the impotence of the attempt at staving off the void, the attempt falling flat due to the unoriginality of us all even as we think we are the first ones to come up with such a genious joke but ultimately it is as hollow as the vain attempt by that mortal soul in appeasing a cat that eats lasagna.


Best_Bisexual

The amount of people that come in where I work that don’t read the signs that clearly say the price of something is insane.


DoubleEspressoAddict

Working retail was a huge motivation to go to college.


Wikeni

Same. I worked a lot of different places over close to 15 years and for some reason Lowe’s broke me. I was having a particularly hard day and I vividly remember thinking, “Is this the rest of my life?” Whew.


lib3rty47

Corporate IT isn't that fascinating either. "Can you fix the printer, I need to fax this email" Stupid can be found in all walks of life


muklan

Print out, scan as a PDF, forward that PDF to your private email, then screenshot it on your phone, send it back to your work email, print and fax that.


wonder_k

I contracted for an office from 2017 to 2019 that, when I first started there, would print all of the emailed PDF invoices, then rescan them to be attached to payment files. They were spending ridiculous amounts of money just on copy paper. When I asked why they weren't just attaching the original PDF, I got the "Can you do that? I don't think our system lets you do that." OMG. I ended that practice very quickly by showing my boss how to do it (in the "Look what I just figured out!" way).


jay791

This hurts. Stop. Pls.


sevenXsix4kix

"Medical records department, how may we continue doing business like it's the 1980s for you?"


love_that_fishing

They are the worst. Wtf would anyone use a fax in 2022?


pooticlesparkle

I was grateful for faxing when our hospital had a cyberattack. They kept info flowing from lab to every where that needed results. I know they should not be primary, but they should be operational, on hand and in enough volume to sustain a hospital during IS downtimes.


swordsmanluke2

Real answer: Because security. A phone line connection between two fax machines is way harder to eavesdrop on than, say, an email. Most computer systems (and the internet itself) are far less secure than a direct phone line... So fax still gets used for "critical, do not share or lose this" kinds of data.


Early_or_Latte

I don't work in medical records, but I do work in my provinces universal health care. Up until about 6ish years ago we were using DOS, literally green blocky printing on a black screen to administer the entire provinces medical coverage. Now we are using a system that is pretty buggy, but functional.


TexasRed806

Lowe’s was probably the worst place I have ever worked. I was customer service desk and I was more stressed out than I ever was as a supervisor at Walmart and made way less. Eventually found a warehouse job and I would never go back to retail.


boraras

And to make sure my job was as far away from the customer as possible.


Gturnz

*BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP* “Uuhhhhhh it’s telling me to remove my card??”


adm1ral_doge

Oh God, I almost got angry at you for even commenting that. ^(what is my life? why am I still a cashier?)


xauching

move to a department. Preferably Produce, if you're in a super market or grocery store. But even warehouse is good. I didn't mind the front, even found the customer service side endearing. Then I went to produce and holy shit wtf was I thinking lmao that shit is awesome. 1 hour to stock this,1 hour to stock that, 4 or five projects later including lunch and breaks you're done for the day.


Ganbario

Lol this guy retails


plague681

I'd plug it into my golden retriever, when he was still alive. Holy shit that dog was a big fluffy lovable idiot.


royal_rose_

Goldens traded their brains for a second heart. So sweet. So loving. So fucking dumb.


rckid13

My golden retriever got sprayed by skunks more than any other dog I've ever owned or met. No matter how often she got sprayed she never learned not to chase the stinky black and white thing.


DitiPenguin

Fart squirrels!


plague681

Oh God yes.


H4rkio

I'm sorry he js not with you anymore. I bet you loved eachother so much and he had a great life.


Responsible-Bug-1806

Aw!!I looove Goldens! My daughter has one that’s not too bright. But he’s a fluffy lovable dingus!


Feendios_111

❤️ mine as well. Just had to put him down a month ago. Broke my heart.


plague681

This past May, for me. He was my best buddy, and the goodest of boys. He was just so unbelievable *dumb*.


Feendios_111

My heart goes out to you. Mine got me through five hellacious years in a rotten marriage, a job loss and three relocations before he got too tired to continue. He got me to where I am today and I couldn’t have done it without him. Smart or otherwise, we owe our sanity to them!


ThomasDePraetere

I wouldn't refuel anywhere. Just wait till the tank runs out. That's pretty stupid, poof, tank's filled again. Better yet, every time you do this you get more fuel because each time it is more stupid because you did it again.


ReadinII

Figuring out that it would refuel itself is pretty smart, so your plan wouldn’t work. So actually it’s a stupid plan. 🤔


AlternativeFilm8886

I love a good paradox, and this is indeed a good paradox.


Knowing_Loki

I don’t even own one boat, so why would I need two docks?


ihatepineaples

but does the car know what you’re thinking or judge based off the action 🤔


pstbo

Those influencer houses full of tiktokers/instagramers/youtubers etc.


LordButtertonBrave

on my 2011 FB profile


jaredsowner

the church of scientology


fellowarizonadirtbag

The ER


EMskins21

I co-sign this as an ER doc.


hockeybelle

I’m a hospital pharm tech, and I was gonna say the same 😂. The stories I hear up there “this person did what now?”


Cognac_Carl

"They put a what up their waht?"


Medarco

As a pharmacy student I got to observe a surgery where a guy was drinking heavily, and to be responsible he put his car keys up his ass to make sure he didn't drive home. Sharp keys, poking a lot of different directions. He definitely couldn't drive home, for multiple reasons.


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AskMeAboutMyTie

Is it because they did something stupid to get hurt or they come to the ER when they don’t need help at all?


vinniemonster

Yes


mynonsequitur

The Flat Earth Society


kurdtpage

They have members all around the globe


JimAparo

There’s a reason I just opened this app


Hugosimpon

Any social media


1GhostiBoi

Social media is proof that the ability to read mind wouldn't be as useful as people think


Geminii27

"I *could* read your mind, but let me save us both a horrible experience."


LordoftheDimension

I would just invest into nfts and fuel it myself


MythGuy

Bold words from an NFT owner, Mr. "The Singularity #447895" I kid though. I'm opposed to NFTs too and when I got mine free reddit one I felt duped and swindled into owning a digital white elephant.


blind_wardrobe

TO the meeting of business coaches and some other success coaches


1mJustALurk3r

Kudos to OP for opening up an amusing read.


[deleted]

Thanks, glad you enjoy it, didn't think it would get this popular!


Reasonable_Aside766

I'd download Tiktok


Due-Thanks-9994

r/askreddit


GenSnowy

Church of Scientology?


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xXSpaceturdXx

I don’t know where I would fill it up because I sold it for gas money.


77_1

Flat Earth convention