By - 2dLtAlexTrebek
I think the list of places you couldn't refuel is much shorter.
place #1 Sahara desert, theres no people (i think idk)
Why the fuck they didn't built any stupid gas station for the last 200miles, now I'm out. ... Never mind, it's back at 30%. ... Let's continue into the desert, ... Wow, still going up.
The person who'd check would have unlimited fuel.
The driver would be like “I gotta be close to someone, I’m still full!”
Imagine driving in a dark alleyway thinking you’re all alone, then suddenly the fuel tank fills up…
That’s a nice one sentence horror story. You’re either foolish for thinking you’re alone in this quiet, dark alleyway and that has supernatural connotations…..or someone so ridiculously stupid, they’re capable of filling up your tank form just barely being in range showed up and that’s a scary thought by itself.
Driving in traffic would just keep you maxed out all the time
Fuck that’s funny 😆
Women of reddit, what is the sexiest sex you've ever sexed?
People who put on shoes before they exit the house, why?
So i can walk harder
WRONG KID DIED
\*asks serious question, but forgets to add serious tag\*
r/AskReddit : Oh boy, here i go making dumb jokes again
Scroling the front page of askreddit:
Hospital workers of Reddit, what is your scariest encounter with a patient?
What is your most wholesome childhood memory?
Big booty latinas of reddit, what is the circumference of your left cheek?
If the zombie apocalypse started, who would you take?
Men of reddit, what's the least sexy thing to you?
Teachers of reddit, name a time you changed a student's life
Women of reddit, what's it like to have a cooter?
it'll seriouslly be the most random shit
you forgot the most frequent and unrelenting repost: redditors of reddit, how would you redesign human body 2.0?
1. top reply - stop cells from randomly dividing. heavily gilded with many "fuck cancer" replies.
2. wings because flying
3. prehensile penis
always the same 4 posts every day, and then some oaf with a 2 word statement against something (for example, someone commented "the government" on a post asking what the most dangerous criminal organization in the country was) that gets a million awards and upvotes, meanwhile someone who actually went in depth and detail gets buried
To be fair, it does exactly what it says on the tin. Don't act as if you weren't warned.
I wouldn't even have to go anywhere to refuel
I'm the one I need
A true perpetual motion engine
Yes, that's exactly right
But having that thought makes you too smart to power it
Damn these loop holes!
That Nobel Prize is mine!
I just watched that! Awesome.
On to the next task: become prime minister and make humans suffer by turning sales tax to 100%
Tax devil is the true terror of that anime.
A perpetual moron engine
But it surely would be a clown car where the wheels keep falling off, with a bear riding in the back.
You’re so stupid, you’d go to a normal petrol station and put petrol in it. Causing the engine to break.
There's only one solution for this
Flood the streets with petrol and make the car a boat
It will be unstoppable!
As long as there are people around, you'll have a full tank.
Even in a university town you will find that ample fuel- just approach any admin office for maximum fuel transfer.
I am an AV guy at a university and also do a good bit of traditional IT support too. Let me tell you, the most educated people in any institution can also be the absolute dumbest (except in their area of expertise of course). I generally like them all when they aren't pissed off about something but damn.
Former IT guy for a college.
Get a call
Prof: The computer is broken in my classroom. The light is on, but the computer isn't working.
Me: Okay, be there in a minute (same building).
Prof: What was wrong with the PC?
Me: The PC was off, I just turned it on.
I tried nothing and it didn't work
There is so much I could say to this as a construction worker that deals with people who think they’re always right, because it’s what they drew up in auto-cad. The only guy I actually respected when we had questions is he said,” Sounds like a field problem.” It sucked because what was being asked was not right, but he was basically saying,” I can only predict so much. You guys need to make it work.” It was kind of an eye opener that they have to trust the guys in field to really get it done. I’m ranting so hard dude I’m sorry. Got way off track lol
As a BIM guy (3D design, fully coordinated), we had crews who would regularly ignore the drawings, inevitably run into another trade, then call us to fix it. We eventually sent them a "memo" with the revised package referring to the MIL-TFD-41 spec for all questions. "Make it like the fucking drawing for once." There were a lot fewer issues with proper communication after that.
Edit: missed a letter
> MIL-TF41 spec for all questions. "Make it like the fucking drawing for once."
Bahaha, that's incredible.
Shit, a guy I worked under always gave me the “sounds like an opportunity to succeed”. Man I was successful on that job.
Props to your guy though. He knew his limitations and didn’t bs you
Maybe park near the dorms and frat houses on the weekend, and up by admin through the week. I certainly don't remember many good decisions being made a 2 am on a weekend. Many of those bad decisions became epic stories later, but that was just luck that no one got really hurt.
*gestures broadly at everywhere*
Just plug your phone up and let tik tok play.... unlimited refills
Free gas or not, it ain't worth it.
I'd ask the kid who I used to tutor. The kid asked me questions like "who INVENTED the moon?".
The kid was in 8th grade.
The kid sounds like a genius, he simply refuses to believe the narrative and questions EVERYTHING.
Found kyries burner
Neil Armstrong invented the moon, duh. Well, it was really Yuri Gagarin, but you know how history was during the Cold War.
No, no--Gagarin invented space.
I'd have my sister sit in the passenger seat and tell me where Europe is. Infinite fuel glitch.
For context, she once said "Europe is in England, right?"
We live in damn England and she's in her mid teens.
I live in the US and someone tried telling me that Wyoming is in Texas
There is a Wyoming in Rhode Island though....
And in New South Wales, but not in Texas
They must have been thinking of Paris.
Paris, Texas; Paris, Tennessee; or Paris France?
None of the above. Paris, Maine of course.
Thank you for enlightening me on yet another Paris.
Paris Ontario (Canada pulled a sneaky)
How many Paris’ are there?
Paris, Kentucky as well
Paris , Denmark ... Kiribati ... Panama ... Ontario ... they're everywhere !!!
No, that's in Ontario, but not the Ontario in California
And one in Michigan. My son lives there.
I live in Hawaii and a tourist asked me if I’ve ever been to the states. Uh, I live in the states.
I live in New Mexico, got asked if I ever been to the US lol as well
Yep, had that happen to me countless times. Been asked if I needed a passport to visit the U.S. also been asked if we needed to convert pesos into U.S. currency when we “crossed the border.”
Argued relentlessly with a woman at the DMV in Scott County, KY, when I went in to have my drivers license changed over, and she insisted that I was Mexican, therefore I had to take the written and driving portion of the test, because, you know Mexican and American laws are different! The ironic part was they had a massive map on the wall of the United States, and I stood there and pointed to NEW Mexico, and asked her, when you see a silhouette of the U.S. there’s not a hole here…it is a state. The 47th state, at that. I promise you, we’re Americans!
While she sat there chewing her cud, she shouted behind her in the THICKEST southern accent I have ever heard, never took her eyes off of me, “Darlene! That group of Mexicans that came in last week? They had to take the driver’s test, didn’t they?” Darlene, of course replied, “yeah!”
After about 45 minutes of trying to educate this woman on American history and geography, I just gave up. I said, look, can you read? Just punch it in your little computer there. “NEW Mexico.”
And wouldn’t you know it? It WAS a state!!! And I didn’t have to take either test!
For context, I’m moderately fair complexion, light brown hair, blue eyes…and I was active duty military at the time. No accent (southern, or otherwise). My parents had recently relocated to KY, and my license was about to expire, so I figured what better time to renew it?
An exercise in patience…and comment on the state of public education in the Commonwealth of KY 🤦🏻♀️
Yep. I once tried to order something over the phone, and after giving them my NM address, the rep says "oh we only ship to the US" 🤦♀️
¡Viva Nuevo Mejico!
God, I heard that all the time when I lived in Alaska.
Even better was when I'd get a CSR who'd snottily say "We only ship to the continental US."
Then the fun of slowly explaining *continental* and *contiguous* don't mean the same thing.
I’m so sorry you had to go through that. Here’s another KY story. New postal clerk trainee called her trainer over and loudly announced “Why can’t I find the foreign postage rate for Hawaii on my computer?” This was years ago, hopefully the USPS has updated their system to account for stupidity.
I once interviewed for a job in New Mexico. People asked me why I was looking in another country.
The day I learned there is a non-negligible number of people who don't realize New Mexico is a state was one of the days where I lost a lot of hope in my country.
Man and here I was thinking people were dumb for not realizing Puerto Rico is part of the US.
That one is more understandable, since it's a territory, not a state. Same with Guam and American Samoa.
That's a sorta grey area to be fair - US "owned" but not actually one of the *United States.*
Still stupid, but more forgivable.
"Hey look, there's a NEW Mexico!!" ~ Homer Simpson
I was born in Guam on a Navy base, but somehow the government still considers me a foreign birth…every time I went to a different school my dad had to “prove” my citizenship even though Guam has been a US territory for over 100 years.
I feel so bad. My dad visited Hawaii in the '80s before I was born. When he was leaving, they asked him at the airport where he was going, and he said "the United States" only to be reminded that he was in the US.
I get secondhand cringe from that one when he tells it. On the bright side it did help me avoid making a mistake of my own when I was a clerk at a grocery store with a money wire service. I was helping a family from Puerto Rico (in Spanish) and they asked me where I was from because they thought I spoke Spanish well.
I nearly said, "Soy de los Estados Unidos." However instead I ended up saying, "Soy del... _mainland_."
They laughed in joy and thought it was cute. Lol.
It makes me so happy that you understand what the contiguous states are. I work logistics in Alaska and i am constantly correcting people. Their policy either applies to us or should state contiguous states. It's a rough battle that usually ends with them saying they don't ship overseas...
Brexit must have been a confusing time for her
I overheard a girl and guy talking he told her he was from Egypt and she's like oh I love European men and double down on Egypt being a European country. She can be my source.
My daughter had to write a paper about the civil war once, and she referred to the Southern States as South America throughout the assignment. It was quite funny hearing about how General Robert E. Lee was leading South America.
In high school a girl argued with me that Central America didn’t exist.
She said it was just Mexico between the US and Brazil.
Bet she's one of those people who thinks Africa is a country
And Europeans make fun of Americans’ knowledge of geography. At least we know that North America is in the top states.
North America is definitely one of the top 3 states.
One of my friends ex’s tried telling him New Jersey was in Boston. Still laugh about it over a decade later
someone once asked me if austria is part of poland
Had a friend in middle school who asked our Israeli friend if Israel was in Mexico. When he gave her a bewildered look she corrected herself to say it was in New Mexico. He asked her if she even watched the news and walked away. She did not.
Reminds of that top gear clip when Jeremy asked Americans questions about Europe.
"Name one European country."
"There's the one with the kangaroos :D"
Had a labmate in grad school from Austria. For two years, I'd ask her what it was like to grow up with kangaroos, did she ever have a boomerang or a digeridoo, did she ever meet Crocodile Dundee. Every time, she'd patiently say, "I think you're thinking of Australia...I'm from Austria." "Same thing, right?"
Someone told me London was a country once, so ya know
I’d just open the Facebook comments section and read to my car while I’m driving. Unlimited fuel
If you read while driving you're all the fuel you'll need 😉
Just the surrounding cars driving like assholes around you is all you need.
We all fuel our cars on road rage, genius.
Exactly. My best friend in highschool was killed when the other driver was texting and drifted onto the wrong side of the road.
Sometimes I miss when that sentence wouldn't have been possible. But to be honest even back then drivers did stupid shit, we just didn't have signs everywhere telling you not to use your *freaking mobile computer* and drive at the same time.
And now I dated myself and feel old
Physical location? Walmart
As a Walmart employee, I stand behind this answer.
As a former Walmart HQ employee, I also stand behind this. Probably could power it by corporate leadership alone.
Corporate leadership would be a Twin Turbo LS-Swap V10 auto with Ferrari intakes with drag slicks and a parachute.
As a current walmart cashier, I also stand behind this. It would also be the perfect place to go if my car was powered by closeted or unconscious racism.
These walmart people standing behind each other, lol. Making a queue or something?
I work retail. I would never run out.
Edit: Thank you for the awards, kind strangers!
Also, I'm a doctor of pharmacy. I still get treated the same as when I was a cashier or waitress. And all my retail friends need to watch the brillant show Superstore on Hulu. It's nice to know misery has company!
Never go full retail.
“This isn’t ringing up right.”
*”MuSt Be FrEe ThEn!!!1!!one!!1!! HAHAHAHAHAHA”*
*line is empty for the 50th time of the day*
"YoU lOOk bOrED!! LetS gIVe yOu sOmEthINg tO Do"
*Customer about to pay*
"HoW muCH do YOU oWe ME? AAAHAGAHAHA"
Just printed this $100 bill this morning
I work at a dealership and have to check every bill that comes through my office. If I was able to take the money for myself every time the customer said “Just printed them earlier” I’d be rich.
Eons ago I worked retail in a small hobby shop, and a couple passed some counterfeit currency just as one of the owners showed up. He was 6'7" and in full dress uniform (he was a Major in the Army National Guard and had been to some function). He literally held the couple, one in each hand, until the police and then Secret Service showed up. They were terrified and we (who had nothing to do with any of it) weren't far behind.
TL;DR Don't pass counterfeit currency.
What if they didn't know it was counterfeit? Like it was passed to them?
This was before ATMs (yeah, I'm ancient and was about 17 at the time) so it's possible but unlikely. Since it got as far as the Secret Service, I'm assuming that there was probable cause to believe that they'd been passing it out throughout the local community, but I don't know for sure. The agents didn't tell us much when they interviewed us.
“Oh well, I guess it’s free, then.”
When I worked cash I used to say “Yesterday was if it doesn’t scan it’s free day! Bummer you missed it!” So many people believed me
That’s up there with the “free beer tomorrow” neon sign that’s lit every day
"WoRkinG HArD oR hArdLY WoRkINg *nyuk nyuk nyuk*?"
I used to work at Costco where we use boxes instead of plastic bags.
Me:“You wanna box?” Customer:”idk do you think you can take me?” *hold hands up in boxing stance*.
I’d be world champion with how many customers I fought.
Okay I get how that'd get old fast, but that is actually way funnier than it should be lmao
First time it would kill for me. Anytime after that I would just hit them with classic "ha yep"
two more things I can add to the list for when I’m talking to the self checkout machines, thank you
The local grocery here has a really weirdly accented slef checkout voice for produce. She's like, "Please weigh your GREEN PEPPERS." "Please take your GREEN PEPPERS." Like she's mad at green peppers or something. My wife and I think it's hilarious.
“UNEXPECTED ITEM IN BAGGING AREA!”
“Put your BANANAS in the bag!” -the self checkout as I carefully put the gallon of olive oil I’ve run up as bananas into my bag.
Self Checkout: PLEASE TAKE YOUR RECEIPT
Me: Bish I would if you'd print it
Either that or they try to fucking haggle with you. Dude I'm not selling you a Camaro, this is Lowe's, and I don't set the price or have the ability to change it.
Easy answer here is to say you won't charge them tax. The state will still, but you'll waive YOUR tax. This time.
Lol. I have actually charged a customer "the asshole tax" at the place I work at now so this resonated with me so much!
"If I had a dollar for every time I heard that joke, I'd never have to hear it again."
IDK why but that joke reminds me of r/imsorryjon
Maybe it's the impotence of the attempt at staving off the void, the attempt falling flat due to the unoriginality of us all even as we think we are the first ones to come up with such a genious joke but ultimately it is as hollow as the vain attempt by that mortal soul in appeasing a cat that eats lasagna.
The amount of people that come in where I work that don’t read the signs that clearly say the price of something is insane.
Working retail was a huge motivation to go to college.
Same. I worked a lot of different places over close to 15 years and for some reason Lowe’s broke me. I was having a particularly hard day and I vividly remember thinking, “Is this the rest of my life?”
Corporate IT isn't that fascinating either.
"Can you fix the printer, I need to fax this email"
Stupid can be found in all walks of life
Print out, scan as a PDF, forward that PDF to your private email, then screenshot it on your phone, send it back to your work email, print and fax that.
I contracted for an office from 2017 to 2019 that, when I first started there, would print all of the emailed PDF invoices, then rescan them to be attached to payment files. They were spending ridiculous amounts of money just on copy paper. When I asked why they weren't just attaching the original PDF, I got the "Can you do that? I don't think our system lets you do that." OMG. I ended that practice very quickly by showing my boss how to do it (in the "Look what I just figured out!" way).
This hurts. Stop. Pls.
"Medical records department, how may we continue doing business like it's the 1980s for you?"
They are the worst. Wtf would anyone use a fax in 2022?
I was grateful for faxing when our hospital had a cyberattack. They kept info flowing from lab to every where that needed results. I know they should not be primary, but they should be operational, on hand and in enough volume to sustain a hospital during IS downtimes.
Real answer: Because security. A phone line connection between two fax machines is way harder to eavesdrop on than, say, an email.
Most computer systems (and the internet itself) are far less secure than a direct phone line... So fax still gets used for "critical, do not share or lose this" kinds of data.
I don't work in medical records, but I do work in my provinces universal health care. Up until about 6ish years ago we were using DOS, literally green blocky printing on a black screen to administer the entire provinces medical coverage.
Now we are using a system that is pretty buggy, but functional.
Lowe’s was probably the worst place I have ever worked. I was customer service desk and I was more stressed out than I ever was as a supervisor at Walmart and made way less. Eventually found a warehouse job and I would never go back to retail.
And to make sure my job was as far away from the customer as possible.
*BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP*
“Uuhhhhhh it’s telling me to remove my card??”
Oh God, I almost got angry at you for even commenting that.
^(what is my life? why am I still a cashier?)
move to a department. Preferably Produce, if you're in a super market or grocery store. But even warehouse is good.
I didn't mind the front, even found the customer service side endearing. Then I went to produce and holy shit wtf was I thinking lmao that shit is awesome. 1 hour to stock this,1 hour to stock that, 4 or five projects later including lunch and breaks you're done for the day.
Lol this guy retails
I'd plug it into my golden retriever, when he was still alive.
Holy shit that dog was a big fluffy lovable idiot.
Goldens traded their brains for a second heart. So sweet. So loving. So fucking dumb.
My golden retriever got sprayed by skunks more than any other dog I've ever owned or met. No matter how often she got sprayed she never learned not to chase the stinky black and white thing.
Oh God yes.
I'm sorry he js not with you anymore. I bet you loved eachother so much and he had a great life.
Aw!!I looove Goldens! My daughter has one that’s not too bright. But he’s a fluffy lovable dingus!
❤️ mine as well. Just had to put him down a month ago. Broke my heart.
This past May, for me. He was my best buddy, and the goodest of boys. He was just so unbelievable *dumb*.
My heart goes out to you. Mine got me through five hellacious years in a rotten marriage, a job loss and three relocations before he got too tired to continue. He got me to where I am today and I couldn’t have done it without him. Smart or otherwise, we owe our sanity to them!
I wouldn't refuel anywhere. Just wait till the tank runs out. That's pretty stupid, poof, tank's filled again.
Better yet, every time you do this you get more fuel because each time it is more stupid because you did it again.
Figuring out that it would refuel itself is pretty smart, so your plan wouldn’t work. So actually it’s a stupid plan.
I love a good paradox, and this is indeed a good paradox.
I don’t even own one boat, so why would I need two docks?
but does the car know what you’re thinking or judge based off the action 🤔
Those influencer houses full of tiktokers/instagramers/youtubers etc.
on my 2011 FB profile
the church of scientology
I co-sign this as an ER doc.
I’m a hospital pharm tech, and I was gonna say the same 😂. The stories I hear up there “this person did what now?”
"They put a what up their waht?"
As a pharmacy student I got to observe a surgery where a guy was drinking heavily, and to be responsible he put his car keys up his ass to make sure he didn't drive home.
Sharp keys, poking a lot of different directions.
He definitely couldn't drive home, for multiple reasons.
Is it because they did something stupid to get hurt or they come to the ER when they don’t need help at all?
The Flat Earth Society
They have members all around the globe
There’s a reason I just opened this app
Any social media
Social media is proof that the ability to read mind wouldn't be as useful as people think
"I *could* read your mind, but let me save us both a horrible experience."
I would just invest into nfts and fuel it myself
Bold words from an NFT owner, Mr. "The Singularity #447895"
I kid though. I'm opposed to NFTs too and when I got mine free reddit one I felt duped and swindled into owning a digital white elephant.
TO the meeting of business coaches and some other success coaches
Kudos to OP for opening up an amusing read.
Thanks, glad you enjoy it, didn't think it would get this popular!
I'd download Tiktok
Church of Scientology?
I don’t know where I would fill it up because I sold it for gas money.
Flat Earth convention